SURREAL

THE REVIEWS ARE IN And they're confusing. Look at any product reviews, anywhere, and they'll usually be "5 star, love it" or "1 star, hate it." You don't get much in the middle. But this latest review we've had is bang in the middle. And we don't know how to feel about it. Parts of it are very nice. In fact almost all of it is very nice. Bit light on the ol' stars though, isn't it?

LARGE NEWS Whopping news Mammoth-sized news... ...according to our sales team If you talk to one of the two people who work in our sales team then they'll tell you this is absolutely gigantic news If you talk to one of the 8,211,179,649 people who don't work in our sales team, then they'll probably tell you that this isn't particularly big news in the grand scheme of things. But what is this news of debateable size? Not telling. You'll have to read the big words to find out the BIG(ish) news

This is a gentle reminder that you can buy our cereal in Sainsbury's AND THIS IS AN AGGRESSIVE REMINDER THAT YOU CAN BUY OUR CEREAL IN SAINSBURY'S

DON'T PANIC EVERYONE, DON'T PANIC Actually do panic. Last week our boss went on holiday. We've been coasting ever since. Now our boss is coming back. We've done absolutely nothing. There's probably a lesson here somewhere, but we have no idea what it is...

WHY BOTHER WITH SPELLCHEKC? We’ve noticed something… 99% of people ignore 99% of posts. BUT Post something with a tiny little typo and half the country comes rushng to the comments to point it out. People can’t help themselves. We're programmed to hone in on mistakes. They stick out like saw thumbs. That got us thinking... If everyone’s wired to notice mistakes. Why not put some mistakes in on on purpose? Maybe people will notice them more? Plus, our marketing team’s attention to detail is bad at the best of times. Most of our stuff has typos in already. At least now we have an excuse,

COMPANY STATEMENT Today is a big day in the cereal calendar. The biggest day, in fact. And that means we, like all cereal companies, have certain responsibilities. Responsibilities that we have sadly not kept. We have let ourselves down. We have let our industry down. We have let you down. Just like any other day tbh.

OFFICE-THEMED BOOKS FOR WORLD BOOK DAY (Yes, we were bored) 1. Lord of the Ring Binders 2. Gulliver’s Travel Expenses 3. The Catcher In The ROI 4. Life of Pie Chart 5. The Great GANTTsby 6. Charlotte’s Web Analytics 7. The Grapes of Graph 8. Robinson CruSEO 9. The Tiger Who Came To Team Meetings 10. Nineteen Eighty-Forecast 11. The Zoom Call of the Wild 12. The Pilgrim’s Progress Report 13. Lord of the Files 14. Waiting for Godot to process your invoice 15. Slaughterhouse Nine-to-Five 16. Vanity Jobs Fair 17. CEOby Dick 18. The Infographic of Dorian Grey 19. Slackula 20. As I Lay Dialling In 21. To Fire A Mockingbird 22. The Invisible Manager 23. Winnie-the-Poohing on work time 24. Mrs Dalloways of Working 25. Powerpoint Slide and Prejudice 26. The Lion, The Witch and the Stationery Cupboard 27. Crime and Disciplinary Procedures 28. The Iliadvertising 29. SEOthello 30. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Recall 31. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Intern 32. The Stock Count of Monte Cristo 33. The Old Man and the Seed Funding 34. PC or Macbeth 35. A Meeting Room with a View 36. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The PPC 37. Of Mice and Mentoring 38. Thus Slacked Zarathustra 39. A Wrinkle in Time Management 40. Watershipping costs Down 41. Lady Chatterley’s PA 42. Love in the Time of That Cold That’s Going Round The Office 43. A/B Test of the d’Urbervilles 44. East of Email 45. Doctor Zhivago-getter 46. Jurassic PR 47. Hamlet (To B2B or not to B2B) 48. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hired 49. Les Measureables 50. Adventure’s of Huckleberry Final.Finalfinal.Finalfinalfinal.jpg It took twelve years, but finally got some use of that bloody English Lit A Level.

WE'VE GOT NO BOSS FOR A WHOLE WEEK We can do whatever we want. No boss means no rules. Targets? Out the window. Deadlines? Out the window. Work computer? Out the window, Windows. This is easily the best thing to happen to us since the internet went down and we couldn't do any work for a whole afternoon. If anyone wants us, we'll be watching Netflix.

WE REGREAT OUR DECISIONS They say there's no such thing as a bad idea. Clearly they've never sat in on one of our brainstorms. What started as an innocent little Instagram teaser has somehow turned into something far, far darker. Oh well. Might as well stick it on every channel we have.

MILDLY ALARMING NEWS (within the context of cereal) (and sales) (and cereal sales) (not alarming news within the grand scheme of things) (you try telling that to the boss though)