SURREAL

FINALLY USING OUR GCSEs We spent 5 years learning about oxbow lakes and right-angle triangles, only to end up working for the UK's 47th largest cereal company. So, in honour of GCSE results day, we've decided to finally put our, ahem, "knowledge" to good use, and make some cereal adverts using everything we learnt. If only our teachers could see us now, they'd probably say "you've turned out even worse than expected, and we had low expectations to begin with".

A Taylor Swift song for every office eventuality: - Someone says “Can I have a word?” - You need to calm down - Someone’s been eating tuna again - I hate it here - Office AC way too cold - cardigan - Your boss gives you more work - Mean  - Your work bestie goes on holiday - Come Back… Be Here - CC-ing someone’s manager - Look What You Made Me Do - Keeping your weekend chat ‘professional’ - Long Story Short  - Your brain on a Tuesday morning - Blank Space

Leg day and breakfast - two things you famously shouldn’t skip. Youtube ads, on the other hand? You go right ahead and skip those. (Except ours. Don't skip our Youtube ads. Watch them all the way through and then buy whatever they’re advertising. Especially if they're advertising our limited edition Gymshark cereal.)

YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS What do gymwear, hot sauce, olive oil, baby food, ginger shots and cereal have in common? Not a lot tbh. But that’s not stopped us getting with Gymshark, Flying Goose Brand, Belazu | B Corp™, Piccolo (Organic Baby & Toddler Food) and MOJU to spice up our lives/adverts. Zig-a-zig-ah.

EAT REPS FOR BREAKFAST Gymshark do gym. We do protein. Together, we've made this very limited edition Cardi-Os high protein cereal. Eat it pre-gym. Eat it post-gym. Heck, eat it in the gym if you like. You might get a few weird looks but whatever. Pick it up from our website or from Gymshark's stores. Then put it down. Then pick it up another eleven times, and repeat for two more sets.

SIGH We've seen everyone hopping on this lime green trend thing. Being the hip, cool, current, zeitgeisty brand that we are, we decided to wait until the moment had completely passed before hopping on the bandwagon just as it runs out of legs. Feels like a new low but whatever.

QUESTIONS WE ARE SICK OF BEING ASKED ALL THE TIME: "Can Surreal clean my kitchen?" "Can Surreal eliminate soap scum from my shower?" "Can Surreal get these rather dubious stains out of my bed sheets? I promise they're not what you think they are." The answers are "no", "no", and "please stop talking". People mistaking our high protein cereal for a cleaning product is a very real and genuine business problem that we definitely have, so we've set out to solve it once and for all.

BOSH - AND THE SUGAR IS GONE Ah, the reboot. Hollywood's ultimate time-saving hack. Why bother having an original idea when you can just recycle a proven hit from 20 years ago? Throw in a few swears to make it “gritty” and people probably won’t even notice it’s not a new idea. It’s shameless really. Anyway, in unrelated news, we’ve made a new advert. It’s totally original and any similarities to any iconic adverts from 20 years ago are probably just a coincidence.

gUESS WHAT's COMINg sPOON We're workinG on a seriouSly cunninG and very StrateGic new partnerShip. You'll never GueSs who it's with thouGh. Literally zero clueS.

WHY'D WE HAVE TO GO AND MAKE THINGS SO COMPLICATED? We've got a new marketing campaign and it might just be the most complicated thing anyone's ever done. Imagine the Da Vinci Code meets a Rubik Cube with a bit of time travel and 5D chess thrown in for good measure. Oh, and just to make it even more complicated, there's some free oat milk from Minor Figures too. Good luck trying to wrap your heads around it.