Recently a new grad asked me how to get ahead in business and I shared this unconventional piece of advice…
Ask everyone, no matter their position in the organization, How can I best support you?
I received a quizzical look from the new grad in response. But how does that…? Will that really…? They thought out loud.
Let me explain, I said after a long pause.
When you ask, How can I best support you? several things happen:
1. You build a bridge to another person that’s built on empathy and compassion.
2. You decentre yourself and your needs (and, your own power / privilege)
3. You put yourself in a position where you can actively listen.
4. You learn about the other person’s wants, needs, pressures and / or barriers.
5. You become familiar with the language they use to speak about their wants, needs, pressures and/or barriers.
6. You cue accountability for open and respectful dialogue.
7. You take a key step in fostering or deepening a relationship with that person.
This advice actually assumes “getting ahead in business” is code for connecting, communicating and collaborating in a professional environment. It may not necessarily earn you more money, but it can create opportunities that you never knew existed and a working dynamic where everyone can thrive.
There is, of course, a caveat: asking this question does not mean that you’re suggesting to folks across your organization that you’re their subservient support person.
The distinction is important because all too often members of equity deserving groups, especially women and even more so women of colour and Indigenous women, disproportionately do “office housework”—for example, administrative duties, actual cleaning, and emotional labour, that often isn’t recognized or doesn’t count towards a promotion.
You must still manage boundaries and seek out the supports you need to realize your own potential in equitable spaces. In inequitable spaces and toxic work environments, it’s fair to say you may not feel safe to ask the suggested question.
PS: When I received the student’s question, I also thought, Perhaps this is better for someone like an Arleen Dickenson or some of the executives I work to answer. Who am I to say anything about “getting ahead in business”?
It’s interesting that I momentarily lost sight of my own values—empathy, equity and empowerment, adopted a frame that assumes I have nothing to offer based on my title and salary, and didn’t check my privilege. I regrouped and offered some advice, and, upon reflection, renewed my appreciation for the fact that speaking with youth often unlocks (un)learning for everyone, including myself.
Making work suck less. Founder, HATCH Analytics & The Wonder Lab - where wonder meets work. Author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller THE POWER OF WONDER. Exploring how altered states of wonder make us better leaders.
4moA rose by any other name would smell as sweet. :) I recall we had this debate about the term 'privilege' as well. The issue for me is not the language used - language changes (I received an MSc in CSR, which is now ESG) - but rather the reason it is changing. Sugarcoating fairness to not 'offend' those who suddenly feel marginalised only because they are not centred for a fractional moment is a step backward. That said, much progress is often two steps forward and one step back, and good change agents work within existing structures. So if it takes changing the language while the work still gets done, more power to ya! But I am cautious that changing behaviour requires self-reflection, and that process is not always comfortable, nor is it meant to be. Keep on keeping on Louisa!!