From the Editor’s Desk: In Any Case (Premium)

I got a haircut today. This is only notable because I hadn't met the older woman who cut my hair, a delightfully blunt person who immediately started berating me for something, which I love. I don't get this treatment enough in rural Pennsylvania—the people here are usually quieter, almost slower, and passive-aggressive, nothing like what I was used to growing up—and I quickly said, "You're not from here, are you?" Which was true. Me realizing this and pointing it out like that delighted her, and she burst out laughing, probably surprised to discover someone who totally got her. As a transplant to the area, I get it.

I think I've written before about the immature, childish way in which men often interact with their friends. If not, let me be clear: It's terrific, and a lifetime of regular abuse—lovingly delivered, of course—can help center you when don't go your way out in the world. I mean, what are friends if not those who know you so well that they can home in on that one insecurity or weakness and then hammer on it at every opportunity? We need these people in our lives. This is basic science.

But this woman achieved something next level today by not knowing a thing about me and nonetheless immediately going for the jugular. She pointed out my horrifically self-trimmed neckline and made fun of it in the most outrageous fashion. Seriously, it was beautiful. I briefly worried that some locals might not react as positively as I had this unexpected dressing down. But I quickly realized she'd be fine: She can clearly handle herself.

My friends would love her, that's for sure: We're always looking for ways to twist the knife. It's what I love about my brother, how quickly and effortlessly he does this. And we all have something. Whether it's my friend Joe and his affectation for Blu-ray and other physical media in this digital age. The way we can so easily make Bob laugh so hard that he cries. Or the one-off comments none of us will let you forget, like "Don't blame me, I was following orders." Yes. We know. That's what the Nazis said, too, Jeff.

It kind of takes on a life of its own. My wife has this skill, of course, which explains the 34 years of marriage. One example I'm sure I've given. We don't celebrate holidays like St. Valentine's Day, which we believe to be patently ludicrous. And so one year, I discovered a Valentine's card on my pillow, which confused me. (Despite never celebrating this holiday, I also instantly doubted my memory of this, which is a separate issue.) When I told her I didn't have a card for her because I thought we didn't celebrate this, she said, "I thought I was doing the minimum, but once again you've proven me wrong." And then she exploded in laughter because she had had some left-over cards she'd never use otherwise in a box and was literally waiting for this moment.

In my wife's view, my big weakness is bags. I hate shopping, I literally reach a breaking point less than 30 minutes in a...