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Do dreams about cheating mean your relationship is in trouble? Here's what a neuroscientist says

Nightmares and erotic dreams are a near-universal human experience, Dr. Rahul Jandial writes in his new book, "This Is Why You Dream."
/ Source: TODAY

If you cheat in your dreams, does that mean you're destined to cheat in real life? Not necessarily. But it's still important to reflect on what those dreams might mean — especially if it's causing you discomfort or stress.

Dreams about cheating are common and generally shouldn't be a cause for alarm, Dr. Rahul Jandial, brain surgeon and neuroscientist at City of Hope in Los Angeles, tells TODAY.com.

"Erotic dreams are universal," says Jandial, author of “This Is Why You Dream: What Your Sleeping Brain Reveals About Your Waking Life."

Do cheating dreams mean anything?

Simply having a dream about a romantic or sexual encounter with someone other than your partner doesn’t mean you’re headed for trouble, Jandial explains. In fact, surveys of people across different cultures indicate the vast majority of people dream about infidelity — whether they're in healthy or unhealthy relationships.

"I don't think (dreaming about cheating) is a reveal about some latent desire," Jandial says. "I think it has to be taken within the context of what is really going on in your waking life."

For instance, if you had a dream about an ex, but you've moved on emotionally, then the dream isn't likely to be a cause for concern. "But if you are secretly thinking about your ex-lover during the day and you're fantasizing about them and they pop up on your dreams," he adds, "well, that's more directly connected."

And cheating dreams aren't necessarily a sign that infidelity has actually taken place. "It's our daytime fantasies — not our daytime acts — that feed our erotic dreams," Jandial says.

Why am I having dreams about infidelity?

One possible explanation is that you're having daytime fantasies about infidelity that return at night when you dream, according to Jandial.

But why might you have cheating dreams while in a healthy, stable relationship? "That's a massive question, and I don't think anybody can answer that," Jandial says.

One theory, which he calls "extremely hypothetical," comes from evolutionary psychology and suggests that those dreams may be a manifestation of a general desire for survival. "It's this broad act of wanting and procreating that's necessary as a species," Jandial says.

Overall, there’s not a ton of recent research looking at the correlation between infidelity in dreams and real-world relationship quality, Jandial says. But there is some evidence that a dream about certain topics (like arguments or infidelity), as well as certain emotions (jealousy, in particular), can be associated with an increase in conflict between partners in the following days.

What to do about cheating dreams

Generally, people tend not to be bothered by romantic or erotic dreams to the same degree that a vivid nightmare might haunt you the next day. But it can happen.

So if you find yourself thinking about a sexual dream that involved an ex, for example, take it as an opportunity to reflect.

"It's not a reveal. It's a reminder to take a look at your waking life to see where you are with moving on," Jandial says. And know that sharing our dreams with others — maybe even your partner — can be an incredibly eye-opening and rewarding experience.

Dreams are symbolic, not literal, Jandial says. And they arise when the brain is in a hyper-emotional, hyper-visual and hyper-imaginative state. Taking a moment to examine them allows us a window into a part of our psyche that we simply can't experience the same way when we're awake, he explains.

"Don't ignore (your dreams). Don't neglect them, but use them as a portal for self-examination," Jandial says.

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