Hey Sigmund

Remember the power of ‘AND’. As long as they are actually safe: They can feel anxious AND do brave. They can feel like they aren’t ready for brave, AND be ready brave. They can wish to avoid AND they can stay (or not be taken home). They can be angry, anxious, and push us away AND we can look after them through the feelings without avoiding the brave/ new, hard/ important. We can wish for their anxiety, anger, sadness to be gone AND we can be with them without needing them to be different. We can believe them (that they are anxious, scared, angry) AND believe in them (that they are capable). When we hold their anxiety AND their capacity for brave, in equal measure and with compassion, we can show them that their anxiety doesn’t cancel their brave.♥️

Rather than talking to them about what they can’t do (and they’ll probably want to talk about this a lot - that’s what anxiety does), ask them what they can do. It doesn’t matter how small the step is, as long as it’s forward. The idea is to gradually and gently expose them to the things that feel frightening. This is the only way to re-teach the amygdala that it’s safe. Let them know you understand it feels scary - they need to know you feel what they feel and that you get it. This will make your belief in them and your refusal to support avoidance more meaningful. Then move them towards brave. This can be tough. To move our children towards the things that are causing them distress pushes fiercely against our instincts as a parent - but - supporting avoidance, overprotecting, over-reassuring, the things we do that unintentionally accommodate anxiety over brave behaviour will only feed anxiety and make it more resistant to change. (And as a parent I’ve done all of these things at some time - we’re parents, not perfect, and parental love has a way of drawing us all in to unhelpful behaviours in the name of protecting our kiddos). The point is, moving our children towards brave behaviour can feel awful, but it’s so important. When they focus on the fear and what they can’t do, try, ‘Okay, I know this feels scary. I really do. I also know you can do this. I understand this step feels too big, so what little step can you take towards it? What can you do that is braver than last time?’

Sydney! We’re coming to you. Can’t make it? There’s now an ONLINE option so you can watch from anywhere in the world. The Resilient Kids Conference is a one day event for parents and professionals who live and work with kids and teens. It’s a place where Australia’s leading parenting educators join forces to support you with practical tools and strategies, so you can be tter show up for this generation of kids. Since 2016, our live events have attracted up to 800 attendees at a single event, so the vibe is marvellous. It is beyond beautiful to see parents, educators, and many other professionals stream through the doors in anticipation of a soul fulfilling experience. By the end of the day their faces are beaming, and so is our teams. If you haven’t been to a Resilient Kids Conference you simply must! It’s much more than a conference. It’s a community of people, redefining resilience together. I’ll be joining Maggie Dent, Michelle Mitchell, and Dr Justin Coulson. In person, online and group license tickets are available for this event. Tickets (online and live) and more info here https://lnkd.in/gYuDJDF7