When I was a kid, I romanticized working in customer service. I wanted to greet customers, gain independence and have my own money. My first job was as a cashier and shelf organizer at a supermarket. While the bag boys got tips and pats on the back, I usually got complaints about item pricing or sighs if I took too long scanning items. I quickly realized that working in customer service is tough. People can be mean, the work is often thankless, and customers seem to have no regard for what you might be going through.
One day, everything seemed to go wrong. I had a terrible day at school and I got caught in the rain on the way to my shift at the supermarket. My colleagues were making fun of me because they could see my floral bra through my wet shirt, and I felt like the universe was against me. I wanted to quit so badly but I needed the money because I was saving for college. After washing my face and practicing fake smiles in the bathroom, I returned to the register. While scanning an item, it fell on the floor, and I couldn’t maintain my fake smile anymore. The customer I was ringing up noticed and asked if I was having a bad day. Hesitantly, I admitted it was awful. He handed me a $20 AMC movie theater gift certificate. I was shocked by his kindness. That simple gesture taught me that we have a choice every day: whether or not to be kind.
This happened over 20 years ago, and I still remember his face and the generosity of that gesture. From that day, I chose to pay it forward. In doing so, I’ve seen how kindness can change lives and create ripple effects around the world.
Once I had my own kids, I knew I had to instill this value in them, too. But how could I teach them something so experiential? My kids have a privileged upbringing and don’t know what it means to lack. Many of my friends face the same dilemma. I realized I needed to create the experience for them, and traveling became the perfect context.
My husband and I have always loved to travel. We’re both former diplomats, work that brought us all over the world. I’ve been to 62 countries, and Paul, my husband, to 118 countries. Our kids have been to 30 — and they’re not even teens yet! Even after switching careers, we maintained our love for international travel. And when you travel as much as we do, you notice things — like how flight attendants and gate agents often face complaints for things beyond their control. They deal with delays and seat assignments and cramming heavy luggage into tight overhead bins, all while maintaining a smile.
I saw a trend where passengers with babies gave gifts to their seat neighbors, but flight attendants were often overlooked. So about 10 years ago, my husband and I started giving small gifts to the crew — journals and pens with notes, or sometimes just handmade cards that thanked them for their service. Initially, it was just the two of us, but as our kids grew up, they joined in. Now, it’s a fun family activity. Wherever we go, we look for new gifts and make cards. At our home base in Miami, we keep a stash of small gifts, including bracelets, keychains, stuffed animals, aromatherapy rollers and more. It’s a small tip for great service.
At first, the kids just watched us and saw how the smiles on the flight attendants’ faces became so much more genuine when we gave them the gifts. Afterward, I always told them, “You see the power we have? We can make someone’s day. Never forget that you have this superpower.” They soon began participating themselves. My daughter, now 10, still occasionally freezes up when giving gifts, as she’s super shy. That’s when my 8-year-old son steps in to help. Now we make sure the kids do the gift-giving themselves. Even when they complain about the weight of the gifts in their carry-ons, or how boring it is to write out individualized notecards, they understand the significance of what they’re doing.
Although never an expectation, my kids are sometimes invited to say hi to the pilot and check out the cockpit. But it’s the initial reactions from the crew that mean the most to us. In a recent TikTok video about our family’s tradition, I shared some of the responses we’ve received from airline workers, from “No one ever thinks of us — this means so much,” to, “This gesture is something I’ll never forget.”
I know that kindness doesn’t have to come in the form of gift-giving, and that not every family can afford to buy presents for everyone they come in contact with in customer service. But this is what works for us, and I know that our tradition has helped my kids understand what it means to be kind, thankful and considerate — on an airplane, but also elsewhere in life. And I also hope that we have made a difference in the lives of the people we’ve encountered on flights, if only for a brief moment.